Upside down and inside out!

This week our world was turned upside down, and it will never quite be the right way up again.  Bam, in a few seconds, in the space of the time it takes a doctor to finish a sentence, everything that was normal, will never be "normal" again, everything in your world changes.  No matter how much  you want things to stay the same, no matter how you wish your lovely happy, secure world will stay that way, it won't.

Our son, our precious baby, who we adore, was diagnosed on Tuesday.  No it is not life threatening, but it is life changing, for all of us.  His life will never be easy, it will always be a struggle.  Things that come so easily to the rest of us, will be a struggle for him.  All we want for him is happiness, and that will be hard for him, harder than for the average person.  He will need to learn things, that come so naturally to 99% of us.  He will learn to sometimes be someone he really isn't, just to be accepted.

Our lives will soon consist of "sessions" of therapy, classes, support group meetings, teacher meetings, school visits, spending time helping in class, and it goes on.   Our beautiful boy will have a label, he will be different. 

Of course we love his differences, he is funny, amazingly intelligent, has an endless thirst for knowledge and a unique perspective on life.  He possesses a general knowledge well beyond his years, he is a brilliant reader and a maths wiz.  He loves to travel, he loves Lego and Harry Potter, just like other little boys, but he just thinks and uses his brain differently to most of us. He can't read facial and body language, he won't ever be able to play team sports, he won't ever truly feel empathy for people he does not know.  He will sometimes appear rude to strangers who do not know him, he struggles with change, he struggles with friendships and doesn't always get the joke, he is very literal.  He is sensitve to sound, and smell and cannot touch certain things.  He worries and sometimes cannot sleep. With the right help and guidance though,  he will develop into an amazing adult, he will always be a bit different, but with time we hope people won't consider him strange, just quirky! 

My fear is that the world can be a hard and hurtful place.  One in four children are bullied at school, yes one in four - how horrific is that?  And our little boy will be the perfect target for the bully.  They like to pick on the child that is different, the loner.

I try to put things in perspective, I know so many people have more to worry about than us.  I know we will get through this, but that doesn't stop the tears.  I have cried til I thought I could not cry anymore.  I haven't slept all week, I am a wreck.  I am strong but I sometimes wonder if I am strong enough to get through this.  I have a family to support and love, but it is hard. 

I always imagined that life would get easy once I hit 40. I had 3 children by the time I was 30, so was looking forward to kicking back, travelling, and building my business.  Then my munchkin arrived just before my 40th birthday.  He has brought the most wonderful love to my family.  We all adore his kisses and cuddles, his bad jokes and his endless enthusiasm for his family and his hobbies, none of us can imagine our lives without him - he has 3 amazing older siblings, who will also always be there for him.

I lie in bed at night and imagine a world of tolerance.  A world, where no one discriminates, no one judges and everyone is accepting.  How wonderful would that be?